pay no attention to what's written in this entry, it's just me being immature and stupid

I'm so sick of waiting for everyone else to do what they are supposed to khaahkgñbdsgñbfgawbgwa do!

I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. It's killing my nerves and it's frustrating me.

GOD! I'm so frustrated! I want to smack the hell out of my computer, or anything else near my smacking range.... that, or scream. But it's late, so I can't scream, and I can't smack anything because the last time I hit something while in an anger fit I bruised one of my toes so bad I limped for like a week.

When I finally had all the doors open around me, I made my decision. Then it all began to close down on me so fast I didn't know what hit me.

Why on earth would I be guided into finally deciding, and believing that things were ok, just to be messed over?

This is probably so wrong, but I still feel it all inside of me. Today I felt like a two year old. Well, maybe more like a 10 year old. Making a fuss over the stupidest thing. Getting mad for the most insignificant issue. Being a general ass, really.

And all for what? just for the freaking realization that I am not in control of my life. And why would I be, if I decided I was turning over my control to my Father? Oh but no. I had to realize it the hard way. The hit-you-square-in-the-face way.

I'm so over it. That's it for today, I have to go bawl the rest of it out to my Dad.