I'm swearing off 007's...

I never thought watching a movie could break my heart. Much less a stupid James Bond movie.

If you haven't seen Casino Royale, don't read this, because there are spoilers.

She tried to make sense out of what had happened all the way back from the theater, but my heart didn't care about the sense the movie could make. I still wanted to cry. I still am crying.

Someone please explain to me why I am crying for a stupid STUPID STUPID!!!!!!!! James Bond movie... I certainly don't understand.

When I saw his expression on the screen, damn good actor I might say, I got blown away. Freaking blown away. I started shaking, not that I'll ever admit to it. My heart started pounding faster, my eyes began to water. My head hurt so bad trying to keep it all inside.

I know it's just a story. Just a story I tell myself. But the hurt still exists. If not for the loss of Bond, for the cracks in my own heart.

If I try to reason this out, it goes something like this:

Bond represents stone turned hearts everywhere. In me, in you, in everyone that's ever been bruised. Something made its way through the cold cement walls and began warming up whatever was left of the beat inside... But then, once the security and comfort settled in, what began as a joyous warming ran back outside like a sprinting lion, tearing down the walls as it found its way into the light. Breaking the heart all over again. Not only exposing the half burned muscle, but leaving it in a way that there's no possibility of reconstruction, even when the walls are build up once again.

It was not fair, but life is not fair, cliché very much intended.

So then, does it mean I can cry?

Yes.

But not because I cannot detach myself from the screen once set in front of me... I've always been good at letting go of movies, ask those who think they know me....

However, I wasn't good at that tonight. Even though I tried, I could not separate my own heart from Bond's... it broke, and the pieces fell and got shattered all over the ground... But unlike Bond, my heart has the opportunity for healing... and you know what else? It hurts me that there are people that don't get that opportunity.

I can because basically there's no escaping this. This time I'm letting it hurt, if not for the medicinal purposes HE's been guiding me through these past few days, because I really have no other option.

So be it, I tell myself... let us all weep blood tonight, not from the deceiving eye, but from the wounded, crimson heart, welcoming the healing.