multiple ramblings

Most of the time I have no clue as to where I'm going. It frustrates me, not knowing where I'm heading to. Troughout my life I've always had a plan. In any given time of my life, if you sat down with me and asked me about my future, I could very well spend the next three hours telling you how I was going to:

(not in a particular chronological order)
- Stop Eve from eating the apple and visit Jonas inside the whale... all with the help of a time machine I was convinced I would be able to invent
- Be an embassador in the UN and finally allow world peace to happen
- Be a novelist and write the next all-american/mexican novel
- Be a journalist and win two million pulitzer prizes
- Be a filmmaker and screen my movie at sundance, and who knows? maybe win an oscar
- Be a lawyer and defend the defendless
- Be an architect and build the eight wonder of the world
- Be a kindergarden teacher and shape really young minds
- Be a college professor and shape not so young minds
- Give the weather report and know how to use a barometer
- Broadcast the news and win everyone over with my personality
- Edit a newspaper and a magazine, because I'm cool like that
- Be a photographer and actually have money because of it
- Being a missionary in China smuggling Bibles through what I believed were real "underground" churches
...

I seriously would never finish this list if I could actually remember everything I've wanted to do...

But as it turns out, every time I thought I had my life all planned out, all the way down to the last dot, God would leave me planless... and there I was again, walking through roads I never quite fully understood.

Don't take this the wrong way. It's actually a good thing that God leaves me planless every time. He gives me a chance to do what I was made to do...

thinking about it gets me exited. The Bible says that God has things planned for me that even I have not imagined... and as you can see in my list above, I've imagined pretty amazing things for just one person... can you even begin to TRY and imagine where He's taking me? I know I can't, and every time I do, He'll just top me with something a bajillion times better.

on a completely different note.

This year was a hard year. It started off with a prayer that I remember like I prayed it yesterday... I asked God that this year be my year... All I know is that this year I came to harsh and truthfull realizations about myself. I saw things very differently, and it did not go as well as I had planned it to go... but then again, remember how my plans are never the one's He has... but still, I can hardly wait for the next year to get my real life going. My supernatural life.


Someone told me I had lost my faith...
Someone said I was kind of a fatalist...
My God says His mercies are new every morning...

But yeah, those three things are true. But this next year, you just wait and see... this next year will BE my year. I declare it over me, and I'm immortalizing it by publishing it online.

This next year I will grow older and younger. I will grow older and wiser in understanding and revelation of my Beloved. I will grow younger and naïver in my heart.

This next year I will be ready to face myself. I will recognize my areas of strenght and weakness. I will confront myself with the reality of me and be humble as to know I am not perfect.

This next year I will learn to love myself. I will take care of my body, my mind, my eyes, my hands and my spirit. Then I will be able to love others in the way I love myself.

This next year I will learn to honor those who honor deserve. I will respect my authorities and my peers. I will listen not only with my ears but with my heart.

This next year I will let go of my pride. I will quiet when I have nothing to say. I will speak when it is wise to do so. I will not see others below me, but set myself under everyone, serving with love and devotion.

This next year I will believe. I will know His word and live by it with my spirit, even when my soul does not want to believe it.

This next year I will dream. I will speak words of encouragement onto my own life and those around me.

This next year I will love. I will give myself to others the way He gave His life for me. I will aquire deeper revelation of His passion for me and love others like He has me.

This next year is a year of victory, of maturity and understanding.
It is a year of fire, perseverance and faithfulness.
A year of dancing in the river of His delight.

This next year is going to be His year in me.


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