I just had to

Someone I love wrote again tonight... well, more like they wrote and let me see again tonight. I'm always amazed by that persons writing, and I'm also amazed at the fact that she called me to my house phone and I did not listen to it ring at all! And I wasn't even asleep asleep (o so I though) I mean, I had just gotten to bed like 10 minutes earlier... that probably means I was really tired. But here I am, again: writing at almost 1 in the morning. How beautiful it is, to be inspired even in the darkness. How much I'd love to be so in my spirit.

So... I've come to deep realizations about myself these past days. First of all, as it turns out, I am NOT in control of my life... and as weird as it is to realize that what you always thought would be in your hands really isn't in your hands at all, it is also somewhat amazing, that something as important as a human beings life is being taken cared of by their One and Only Creator.

Father, may I never look away from You. Ever.

I'm trying to decide if I should tell you about this. You see I'm about to embark into a profound journey into my Lover's heart... this time, I'm figuring out how beautiful he made me, and trough that, I'm going to learn how to love me. And for that, I plan on writing these articles, every week or so, in which I speak of myself in third person, and just about praise me for whatever it is I've done right during the week...

The issue here is that as it turns out, I am very demanding with myself. I have great expectations of what I should be doing, or not doing, and I spend all my time and energy making sure I do things right. So when I don't, I usually get all over me and I unconsciously find ways to "hurt" or "punish" myself... like if I told myself I didn't deserve the things He gives me every day... so, because of that, I am going to write that column.

It's going to be my healing column... and I'll probably post it up here just because it makes it much more challenging to have people read it...

one last thought for the day, copied from the song I've been listening to lately: Beholding is becoming, so as You fill my gaze I become more like You and my heart is changed, and as You fill my view transform me into the likeness of You.

This year, I have to say this again: will be a good year. A great year. A year for change, a year to establish, to lay down foundations... a year to step up to the plate and begin to play