My heart: Reminiscing

Es un poema basado en las canciones "Worlds Apart" y "Portrait of an Apology" de Jars of Clay y parte son fragmentos sacados de las mismas canciones... lo esscribí en el 2000




Look what I have done. The picture I painted, looks like my heart, or what still remains.

Before, subsisting in obscurity, in the unknown. I feel convinced of the importance of your interpretations and perspective, thought they are not what they seem, I wish they could be. Them being so ludicrous. The intensity of your profoundness of the situation, is very vague. My previous philosophies, sumptuously consuming the inner me, and the outer world of my being.

To satiate my own desires. To accomplish my dreams. To live in a world of me, surrounded by thoughts of selfishness, yet wanting to give. Not understanding the condition, of the many things… spinning, turning, circling, making my head go round, the sullen mood of a world, not identifying its cause.

You scrutinized my actions, carefully looking. Investigating. Examining it. Never seeming to leave me. Always standing by my side. Your valor to never give up on me, has inspired nothing but trust, nothing but confidence, nothing but love.

And my heart. My heart, it used to be less redder, less brighter, until You came along, and gave it a new color. You brightened it all up. Somehow it all adds up correctly.

Before I could soar like an eagle, on pride’s egotistical wings, You came and lavishly filled me up. With dreams and new faith, of a new life, a new home. And as aggravating as it is, to try so hard to leave behind, the ways I once knew and lived upon. Helping me to rid myself of all but love, to learn to give, and die. To turn away and not become. Subsequent from the stimulus to go on, persist and self-effacingly live a life. A life to meditate on Your love and Your grace.

Try to imagine this. All thought I try to explain, look at the way that the frame doesn't quite fit the image or surround the edge.” But life in You doesn’t need an explanation, doesn’t need a rational justification. Let’s call it as it is. And… as it is, you are, you’ll be…

My heart, steadfast and strong, stands on display, What do you see? Behold all the new colors, what's become of the old me.

All this veritable. All this true. And the beauty of this all, is that Your ineffable glory, shines bright and cries loud in my life. Waxing, growing, each day, one inch at a time. As I reminisce the old memories, of those painful days. All said and done, I no longer stand alone. Amongst remains of a life I don’t not own.
But the owner, why should I need more? No longer will wistful memoirs invade the day, and that smile You placed on my face, shall forever subsist, even in a world filled with tears. My reliance on Your care is infinite, and although sometimes I might fail, I might doubt, I might want to quit. It is Your love that pulls me through, and keeps me standing through the day.

A yoke of heart, maintains me alive. And so as I look beyond the empty cross, and forget what my life has cost, as I wipe away the crimson stains, together we dull the nails that still remain. Lethal battle between grace and pride. I pray “Serve the ones I despise, and speak those words I won’t deny. Lacerate the arrogance amongst my life, reiterate those actions I so venerably admire.”

So much as you cannot tolerate my sin, you give me a second chance every time, and always keep an eye on me. Discerning my hearts desire, to give and not expect in return, trying to beat my self-interested heart. Knowing You will hold my hand until the end. Guess what? That is no longer part of my life. Those days in which You changed me, Oh God, I recall with such delight. My former vindictive spirit, has been removed from my days. And Lord I am so thankful, for the new life you gave.