Respuesta a los comments...
el edificio es en efecto parte del MIT, aunque el MIT no es asi como te imaginas el IEST o el TEC que son dos que tres edificillos... son una CIUDAD bestialmente enorme llena de edificios y de lugares asi.
La señora... wow... la historia de la señora la guardo para después porque ya me voy a dormir y si empiezo, nunca voy a terminar.
no tomo tantas fotos porque no he hecho tantas cosas.
nunca vas a estar lista mentalmente para tu partida. ja!
también les mando un millon de te quieros... pero que asco un cacahuate tostado
ya puse una foto nueva de mi roomie. La que se ve es zoe.
no estoy muy sgura que significa O.Y.E... vane, si quieres aclararnoslo a todos
Frank Gehry en realidad es bastante famoso.
la pagina de las fotos la voy a hacer si veo que tomo más fotos. ahorita he estado subiendo las más relevantes.
vayamos juntas a europa? de donde salio eso? jajaja
Boston huele a jabon para lavar trastes orgánico... porque con ese jabón lavo trastes. porque mis roomies son súper ecológicas... y como casi siempre yo lavo los trastes, a eso huelen mis manos y por ende siento que a eso huele todo. las otras veces Boston huele a arboles y a hojas, y es lo más delicioso que hay.
si no viste le final de Stranger than fiction entonces no viste la pelicula! tienes que ver el final! el final es el chiste de la pelicula.
cuando empezaste a aprender italiano? jajajaja...
Los amo! a los que dejaron comments y a los que no!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
tonight's doings
dinner #6... pasta and broccoli
And then I "went" to the prayer meeting...
how cool is this?
i know!
y'all shureeee seng iindd dawnce real purrrrty
And then I "went" to the prayer meeting...
how cool is this?
i know!
y'all shureeee seng iindd dawnce real purrrrty
response
hahahaha... the comments are precious! I'll be sure to answer them in my next entry tonight. Right now, I'm off to get something to eat because I'm starving.
all my love!
all my love!
Monday, May 28, 2007
I set off the fire alarm while trying to toast a bagel in the stove.
Updates!
These here are just pictures and recounts of what I did, I'm writing something more profound and interesting tomorrow, so be expectant.
First off... Friday we went to the park. Exhibit no.1 is roommate no.1 (erin) on the left side, covering visual contact of roommate no.2 (zoe) and roommate no.2's friend Nancy on the right. (by the way, roommates are awesome)
This next picture is for my mom, because she likes flowers!
Then, Saturday...
Saturday was my "explore" day. I took the T (the transportation thingy here, which is actually just the metro) to Chinatown, because I wanted to go see Chinatown (wouldn't that make sense?) and walked around for a bit. After walking there for about an hour I got creeped out and ran for the hills, quite literally almost, because I found myself walking through Boston Common, which is a huge park-like gargen. Throughout the whole time, I'm walking with my iPod and suddenly I hear this gong-esque sound. So I lower my iPod's volume and keep walking into a crowd when i realize it's some sort of Buddhist rite of some sort. I spot a few monks, dressed in their orange gowns, bald and most of them wearing glasses, walk in pairs. There's a long line of mostly Asian people and right then I spot it: a sign. It said something about Buddha's 27th birthday and prayer for peace. I hurried by and then found myself walking through narrow streets filled with antique shops and quaint restaurants...
I walked some more and stopped at a Starbucks for a nice, fresh iced mocha... read for about half an hour and decided to cross the bridge towards MIT...
That's me. Crossing. The bridge.
Then, for my dear architect friends and family, here's a building designed by F. Gehry, which gets even more beautiful as you get closer...
and closer...
aaaaand closer...
and then I was hungry and crossed the other bridge back...
So I'd been walking straight for like 3 hours (minus the half hour at Starbucks) and was tired, so I found a nice bench in the shade to read.
But then this lady started up a conversation with me that lasted six hours... from 5:30 until about 12 pm. Yes. It was intense. And yes, I am weird like that.
I'll tell you all about her later though.
Hope you like these pictures, be sure to leave mushy-love-filled comments!
These here are just pictures and recounts of what I did, I'm writing something more profound and interesting tomorrow, so be expectant.
First off... Friday we went to the park. Exhibit no.1 is roommate no.1 (erin) on the left side, covering visual contact of roommate no.2 (zoe) and roommate no.2's friend Nancy on the right. (by the way, roommates are awesome)
This next picture is for my mom, because she likes flowers!
Then, Saturday...
Saturday was my "explore" day. I took the T (the transportation thingy here, which is actually just the metro) to Chinatown, because I wanted to go see Chinatown (wouldn't that make sense?) and walked around for a bit. After walking there for about an hour I got creeped out and ran for the hills, quite literally almost, because I found myself walking through Boston Common, which is a huge park-like gargen. Throughout the whole time, I'm walking with my iPod and suddenly I hear this gong-esque sound. So I lower my iPod's volume and keep walking into a crowd when i realize it's some sort of Buddhist rite of some sort. I spot a few monks, dressed in their orange gowns, bald and most of them wearing glasses, walk in pairs. There's a long line of mostly Asian people and right then I spot it: a sign. It said something about Buddha's 27th birthday and prayer for peace. I hurried by and then found myself walking through narrow streets filled with antique shops and quaint restaurants...
I walked some more and stopped at a Starbucks for a nice, fresh iced mocha... read for about half an hour and decided to cross the bridge towards MIT...
That's me. Crossing. The bridge.
Then, for my dear architect friends and family, here's a building designed by F. Gehry, which gets even more beautiful as you get closer...
and closer...
aaaaand closer...
and then I was hungry and crossed the other bridge back...
So I'd been walking straight for like 3 hours (minus the half hour at Starbucks) and was tired, so I found a nice bench in the shade to read.
But then this lady started up a conversation with me that lasted six hours... from 5:30 until about 12 pm. Yes. It was intense. And yes, I am weird like that.
I'll tell you all about her later though.
Hope you like these pictures, be sure to leave mushy-love-filled comments!
Friday, May 25, 2007
requests
- pictures of just about anyone and anything you'd think I like (so I can stick them in my walls) --- especially if it's a picture of you!
- my gray vans with the pink pain stains in them... I completely forgot to bring them and have nothing to wear with my "non-matching" outfits
- hugs-in-a-jar or something like that, because the lack of physical contact with ANYONE other than an occasional handshake is unsettling
- just general and random stuff to put in my walls
- love!!
heh. so today is my first day of "vacations" because I don't have class until Tuesday, so expect to hear all about it later on tonight
ohhh... and a hair brush because every time I go to the store I forget to buy it, so I've just totally done my hair with my fingers... yeah.
- my gray vans with the pink pain stains in them... I completely forgot to bring them and have nothing to wear with my "non-matching" outfits
- hugs-in-a-jar or something like that, because the lack of physical contact with ANYONE other than an occasional handshake is unsettling
- just general and random stuff to put in my walls
- love!!
heh. so today is my first day of "vacations" because I don't have class until Tuesday, so expect to hear all about it later on tonight
ohhh... and a hair brush because every time I go to the store I forget to buy it, so I've just totally done my hair with my fingers... yeah.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
the chronicles of boston - day 3: Harvard is really, really pretty
Today's class was awesome, to say the least. I mean, we didn't do too much, other than throw around some thoughts about communication and theories, but I liked it.
My classes seem to be everything - and more - than what I'd expected them to be. They're actually small groups. My 201 class (intro to comm writing) is about 12 persons and my 380 class (theories and processes of comm...which apparently is a class that graduate students take) is only 8.
When I got to my 380 class I freaked out a little because although the girls already in class didn't look that old, they were in fact seniors... and I'm almost a sophomore (para los que no sepan, senior es de ultimo año y sophomore es de segundo año) so I though that maybe the class was going to be too difficult for me to get a grasp of.... Buuut no. Class started off very interesting and I was actually able to participate with smart answers.
We got out of class early and I went and bought my books (which are unbelievably interesting by the way) and then walked for like the next 45 minutes to go see where I had to pay something that I ended up not paying... that was nice.
After that I got home and we were supposedly going to go to Harvard and get something to eat with a friend of Zoe, so we got on the T (the train, called the T, as you can see... which is really the metro) and went off to Cambridge (the city where Harvard is).
Oh. My. God. Harvard is gorgeous. We ate at this amazing burger joint and then Zoe's friend, Nick, gave us the most interesting tour I've ever been to... probably because of the fact that I could just interrupt and ask questions all the time.
The thing is, Nick is a total Harvard student. Which is amazing in the sense that Harvard students really are like students students... he knew so much about practically everything and was all articulate and stuff, but he was amusing and sweet in a "best-guy-friend" sort of way. He works at the Crimson, which is the school's newspaper, and he even gave us a tour of the building and we saw the press room and all of it... and I was swept away by the professional feeling of it all, even though it is completely , yes, let me say that again: completely by students... (theres like a board of advisers, but whatever)
So Harvard was awesome... I'm gonna go back there and see a little more of Cambridge and its surroundings... (and buy Harvard t-shirts. heh)
Got home, did my reading for tomorrow... loved every bit of it... (it's amazing when you actually are drawn by your subject of study, rather than just taking lame math courses you don't give a ping pong ball about)
I'm gonna go to bed now, because walking for hours is very tiring.... I mean literally, I think I've been walking (non-stop) for like a total of 2 hours every day. As opposed to the 15 minutes a day I walked in Tampico.
This place is just different.
I still don't feel that adapted but I figure I'm getting there. It's easier to hang with the roomies every day and well I've just had one class of both my subjects, I guess next week things will have settled down.
Till the next time y'all!
My classes seem to be everything - and more - than what I'd expected them to be. They're actually small groups. My 201 class (intro to comm writing) is about 12 persons and my 380 class (theories and processes of comm...which apparently is a class that graduate students take) is only 8.
When I got to my 380 class I freaked out a little because although the girls already in class didn't look that old, they were in fact seniors... and I'm almost a sophomore (para los que no sepan, senior es de ultimo año y sophomore es de segundo año) so I though that maybe the class was going to be too difficult for me to get a grasp of.... Buuut no. Class started off very interesting and I was actually able to participate with smart answers.
We got out of class early and I went and bought my books (which are unbelievably interesting by the way) and then walked for like the next 45 minutes to go see where I had to pay something that I ended up not paying... that was nice.
After that I got home and we were supposedly going to go to Harvard and get something to eat with a friend of Zoe, so we got on the T (the train, called the T, as you can see... which is really the metro) and went off to Cambridge (the city where Harvard is).
Oh. My. God. Harvard is gorgeous. We ate at this amazing burger joint and then Zoe's friend, Nick, gave us the most interesting tour I've ever been to... probably because of the fact that I could just interrupt and ask questions all the time.
The thing is, Nick is a total Harvard student. Which is amazing in the sense that Harvard students really are like students students... he knew so much about practically everything and was all articulate and stuff, but he was amusing and sweet in a "best-guy-friend" sort of way. He works at the Crimson, which is the school's newspaper, and he even gave us a tour of the building and we saw the press room and all of it... and I was swept away by the professional feeling of it all, even though it is completely , yes, let me say that again: completely by students... (theres like a board of advisers, but whatever)
So Harvard was awesome... I'm gonna go back there and see a little more of Cambridge and its surroundings... (and buy Harvard t-shirts. heh)
Got home, did my reading for tomorrow... loved every bit of it... (it's amazing when you actually are drawn by your subject of study, rather than just taking lame math courses you don't give a ping pong ball about)
I'm gonna go to bed now, because walking for hours is very tiring.... I mean literally, I think I've been walking (non-stop) for like a total of 2 hours every day. As opposed to the 15 minutes a day I walked in Tampico.
This place is just different.
I still don't feel that adapted but I figure I'm getting there. It's easier to hang with the roomies every day and well I've just had one class of both my subjects, I guess next week things will have settled down.
Till the next time y'all!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
My beautiful apartment
So here's us the morning I left
And this is my awesome desk (and by no means am I being sarcastic. I really do like my desk.) and my closet NOT with my coat, which I should have brought. But whatever now.
here's the other half of my room... which is a work in progress because I most definitively am going to get something to put on the walls. So if you guys want to send me something cool to put in my wall, I'd love it.
this is my bathroom... that thing in the sink is a "towel" a friend gave me. It's this small minnie mouse paper-y toy that's like the size of half an iPod and you just throw it in water and it grows into a towel. Which now I'm going to use as a hand towel... I know it looks weird, but it's not, it's actually pretty cool... I'm gonna go dry it now so I can use it later
this here is my kitchen. We made dinner tonight, my roommates and me... Oh, my roommates are Zoe and Erin and they're both really cool. Erin's a vegetarian. I don't know many vegetarians back home so we're gonna eat tofu sometime soon, I guess that should be interesting. I'm home alone right now because they went to a party somewhere and I went to buy a blanket because last night I almost died because of the cold (no, not really... but it was cold though)
and this here is our "living room"... which is not that livable, but it has bright and useful lighting during the day.
and the last picture here is of me, adapting and enjoying, learning and growing.
So tomorrow I'll probably upload some pictures of the city and write something substantial. I'm having a great time, but it's all so surreal and I feel completely disconnected to the world. Boston is going to be an amazing desert though, the city is beautiful, right out of a movie.
And this is my awesome desk (and by no means am I being sarcastic. I really do like my desk.) and my closet NOT with my coat, which I should have brought. But whatever now.
here's the other half of my room... which is a work in progress because I most definitively am going to get something to put on the walls. So if you guys want to send me something cool to put in my wall, I'd love it.
this is my bathroom... that thing in the sink is a "towel" a friend gave me. It's this small minnie mouse paper-y toy that's like the size of half an iPod and you just throw it in water and it grows into a towel. Which now I'm going to use as a hand towel... I know it looks weird, but it's not, it's actually pretty cool... I'm gonna go dry it now so I can use it later
this here is my kitchen. We made dinner tonight, my roommates and me... Oh, my roommates are Zoe and Erin and they're both really cool. Erin's a vegetarian. I don't know many vegetarians back home so we're gonna eat tofu sometime soon, I guess that should be interesting. I'm home alone right now because they went to a party somewhere and I went to buy a blanket because last night I almost died because of the cold (no, not really... but it was cold though)
and this here is our "living room"... which is not that livable, but it has bright and useful lighting during the day.
and the last picture here is of me, adapting and enjoying, learning and growing.
So tomorrow I'll probably upload some pictures of the city and write something substantial. I'm having a great time, but it's all so surreal and I feel completely disconnected to the world. Boston is going to be an amazing desert though, the city is beautiful, right out of a movie.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
life is good
Mariana :
leaves for pretty pretty boston in two weeks.
finds out her living arrangements in one.
is going to Encuentro 2007 and the Hillsong United concert in august.
has to study for her exams.
has a paper due tomorrow.
wants to see spiderman 3.
loves you... most of you... those she knows, at least.
leaves for pretty pretty boston in two weeks.
finds out her living arrangements in one.
is going to Encuentro 2007 and the Hillsong United concert in august.
has to study for her exams.
has a paper due tomorrow.
wants to see spiderman 3.
loves you... most of you... those she knows, at least.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Same thing
M: I was just talking on the phone with my father...
Anonymous: does he still read those magazines he used to read?
M: Yeah...
Anonymous: which one was it? Times New Magazine?
M: Time magazine?
Anonymous: Yeah, Times New Magazine...
by this point I'm laughin histerically because I already know what he means by "Times New Magazine"
Me: Say it again. Say it again. Which magazine?
Anonymous: Times New Magazine... no?
Me: Which one?
Anonymous: Times New Magazine.
Me: You mean New York Times?
Anonymous: oooohh.... yeah... that one.
For anonymity purposes I can't say who said this.
Anonymous: does he still read those magazines he used to read?
M: Yeah...
Anonymous: which one was it? Times New Magazine?
M: Time magazine?
Anonymous: Yeah, Times New Magazine...
by this point I'm laughin histerically because I already know what he means by "Times New Magazine"
Me: Say it again. Say it again. Which magazine?
Anonymous: Times New Magazine... no?
Me: Which one?
Anonymous: Times New Magazine.
Me: You mean New York Times?
Anonymous: oooohh.... yeah... that one.
For anonymity purposes I can't say who said this.
Mixing Consoles and Appendixes
V suddenly got sick yesterday and by days end she was being opened up and her appendix was being taken out.
I've never had an operation before. I'm not asking for one, but I have a very curious nature... being operated would be something interesting to experience. (except if it were something for like a broken hand or something. I could pass out just by thinking about breaking something and hearing the crack and seeing the muscle and blood all out and oh god no...) but if it were something inside I'd probably be interrogating the doctor dude as to what he's doing at every second I'm awake and able.
Last night I didn't play with the worship team for the prayer meeting. Because V was getting an operation I was asked to help out with the sound crew. Boy did I have fun.
If there's one thing I love almost as much as I love playing with a group is listening to music. And making that music sound "pretty" is even better. I love figuring out a way to put glory in His worship. Standing behind the mixing console... lower meds for the main voice, turn up gain on the internal mic, the guitar is too high, lower it a bit. the prayer's voice is too low... and the music starts to flow and God's grace over us in the sound crew can be felt by the way people that never noticed before, tonight notice that "the electric guitar sounded tonight, didn't it? I mean, like more than other times"... and it's amazing. And when you're up there moving this and that and checking to see if the singers can actually hear their voices or if the drummer can hear the prayer in his monitor it's like you're dancing. With your fingers. And before you notice it your head is not just bobbing with the beat, your whole body is feeling it. The music, but mostly, the Almighty's presence filling the room. And as you pray in tounges figuring out a way to make the other singer's voice sound good when she changes her mic, you can't help but smile when you feel and see that by His grace and mercy, tonight, the sound crew has put glory in His worship. We wrapped up the present and layed it at His feet.
I've never had an operation before. I'm not asking for one, but I have a very curious nature... being operated would be something interesting to experience. (except if it were something for like a broken hand or something. I could pass out just by thinking about breaking something and hearing the crack and seeing the muscle and blood all out and oh god no...) but if it were something inside I'd probably be interrogating the doctor dude as to what he's doing at every second I'm awake and able.
Last night I didn't play with the worship team for the prayer meeting. Because V was getting an operation I was asked to help out with the sound crew. Boy did I have fun.
If there's one thing I love almost as much as I love playing with a group is listening to music. And making that music sound "pretty" is even better. I love figuring out a way to put glory in His worship. Standing behind the mixing console... lower meds for the main voice, turn up gain on the internal mic, the guitar is too high, lower it a bit. the prayer's voice is too low... and the music starts to flow and God's grace over us in the sound crew can be felt by the way people that never noticed before, tonight notice that "the electric guitar sounded tonight, didn't it? I mean, like more than other times"... and it's amazing. And when you're up there moving this and that and checking to see if the singers can actually hear their voices or if the drummer can hear the prayer in his monitor it's like you're dancing. With your fingers. And before you notice it your head is not just bobbing with the beat, your whole body is feeling it. The music, but mostly, the Almighty's presence filling the room. And as you pray in tounges figuring out a way to make the other singer's voice sound good when she changes her mic, you can't help but smile when you feel and see that by His grace and mercy, tonight, the sound crew has put glory in His worship. We wrapped up the present and layed it at His feet.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Royal Conlcusions
I saw The Queen today (the movie, not an actual queen) and it was a very interesting story, to say the least. When we got out of the theater, there were mixed feelings from the three of us that went. I loved the movie. S thought it was kind of monotone and I thought... I'm not sure what she thought about the movie, but she agreed with the queen's reaction to all of what happened.
I'm not really sure our determination on the movie come from the same perspective. Yes, the movie was monotone in the sense that it carried on with one same thing over and over and over again... for those of you who haven't seen it (this won't be a spoiler, though) it's all about how the queen, and the "establishment" (as they call the British Monarchy), deal with princess Diana's death.
First of all, I don't know THAT much about princess Diana. I remember a long time ago reading a lot a about her, randomly knowing she suffered from bulimia, was cheated by her royal husband and pretty much had a nasty life all around. depression included... However, she seemed to have truly made an impact on people.
If we all go deeper into this social impact that she had, one might say that she's the triumphant underdog. What do I mean by this? Well, she was cast aside from the royal establishment basically because she was the first one, inside the royal family, to get a divorce. (even though apparently EVERYONE knew that prince Charles was having an affair... aaand now that I read up on my princess Diana, apparently so was she) but non the less, she managed to show the world that she cared. She was one of the first public figures to publicly touch an AIDS infected person... she did lots of humanitarian stuff. But I wonder where, all through that path, did she find herself alongside people such as Mother Teresa and Ghandi.
It's all very interesting, and as an avid wikipedite (word I'm almost sure doesn't exist. at least not in english... i googled it) I'm going to see what else I can learn from all this.. But going back to the movie...
When the queen had to decide to go against all that she had already decided, even hundreds of years of protocol... (if protocol had been followed, princess Diana, because of her extramarital affairs, should have been hung to death... literally). Wow... that is humility at it's greatest.
She retracted her actions before the whole world to show sympathy. compassion. just to give others a break... and did nothing illegal by doing so.
It's hard for me to see the impact Diana had on society. Probably because I don't belong to that particular society... I mean, I wouldn't be that bothered if the president died (I'm sorry if that sounded horrible. But it's for the sake of making an honest point). Fine... the president here has not (yet) caused as much revolt and social impact as princess Diana, but still, I wouldn't be moved to tears... and given my prone-to-selfishness nature (which I'm trying to get rid of, thank you very much) would most likely not give his death a second though... But people are entitled to be overwhelmed by their choice of emotions and thoughts.
Ok I guess this is enough on the queen and all this. I'm not even sure I made a point... It was all interesting to marinate in.
I'm not really sure our determination on the movie come from the same perspective. Yes, the movie was monotone in the sense that it carried on with one same thing over and over and over again... for those of you who haven't seen it (this won't be a spoiler, though) it's all about how the queen, and the "establishment" (as they call the British Monarchy), deal with princess Diana's death.
First of all, I don't know THAT much about princess Diana. I remember a long time ago reading a lot a about her, randomly knowing she suffered from bulimia, was cheated by her royal husband and pretty much had a nasty life all around. depression included... However, she seemed to have truly made an impact on people.
If we all go deeper into this social impact that she had, one might say that she's the triumphant underdog. What do I mean by this? Well, she was cast aside from the royal establishment basically because she was the first one, inside the royal family, to get a divorce. (even though apparently EVERYONE knew that prince Charles was having an affair... aaand now that I read up on my princess Diana, apparently so was she) but non the less, she managed to show the world that she cared. She was one of the first public figures to publicly touch an AIDS infected person... she did lots of humanitarian stuff. But I wonder where, all through that path, did she find herself alongside people such as Mother Teresa and Ghandi.
It's all very interesting, and as an avid wikipedite (word I'm almost sure doesn't exist. at least not in english... i googled it) I'm going to see what else I can learn from all this.. But going back to the movie...
When the queen had to decide to go against all that she had already decided, even hundreds of years of protocol... (if protocol had been followed, princess Diana, because of her extramarital affairs, should have been hung to death... literally). Wow... that is humility at it's greatest.
She retracted her actions before the whole world to show sympathy. compassion. just to give others a break... and did nothing illegal by doing so.
It's hard for me to see the impact Diana had on society. Probably because I don't belong to that particular society... I mean, I wouldn't be that bothered if the president died (I'm sorry if that sounded horrible. But it's for the sake of making an honest point). Fine... the president here has not (yet) caused as much revolt and social impact as princess Diana, but still, I wouldn't be moved to tears... and given my prone-to-selfishness nature (which I'm trying to get rid of, thank you very much) would most likely not give his death a second though... But people are entitled to be overwhelmed by their choice of emotions and thoughts.
Ok I guess this is enough on the queen and all this. I'm not even sure I made a point... It was all interesting to marinate in.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Too hot
We were eating lunch at my house the other day, my mom was talking about global warming and how the earth is supposed to "end" in like the year 2100... unlike what they thought 20 years ago when they thought It'd be in like the year 3000...
"I'm gonna be dead by that time, but imagine Raulito (my 3 year old nephew), he's going to be alive"
then my brother chipped in by saying he'd be dead too by that time. To what I smartly replied
"Well, technically you can still be alive by that time... you'd be like 90"
he made a weird face and then just said
"Ugh no... I couldn't stand it... I'd be too hot"
"I'm gonna be dead by that time, but imagine Raulito (my 3 year old nephew), he's going to be alive"
then my brother chipped in by saying he'd be dead too by that time. To what I smartly replied
"Well, technically you can still be alive by that time... you'd be like 90"
he made a weird face and then just said
"Ugh no... I couldn't stand it... I'd be too hot"
Friday, April 20, 2007
Soft Spoken Melodies... wait can you actually speak melodies?
Ugh. I've been trying to write something for the past days and nope, nothing.
I started a couple entries before deciding I wasn't going to write anything, I'll just look up something and post it and let y'all meditate on that... because otherwise I'd be just saying vain and unimportant things.
So, here goes something:
I want to stand in Your counsel to sit at Your table
And speak to You face to face as a friend
I want to stand in Your fire wherever Your eyes fall
May You find me faithful to Your heart
Let me be found...
With a heart after You
May Your eyes find this heart loyal to You
May You xbe all that's on my mind all of the time
Let my heart be torn in two until your will is mine
Dearly Beloved of my soul
this is actually the lyrics to the song "Heart after You" by either Luke Wood or Justing Rizzo. (I just got new cds and books from kansas from my mom. There's nothing like getting books and cds.... wait, there is, but books and cds always make my day beautiful)
I started a couple entries before deciding I wasn't going to write anything, I'll just look up something and post it and let y'all meditate on that... because otherwise I'd be just saying vain and unimportant things.
So, here goes something:
I want to stand in Your counsel to sit at Your table
And speak to You face to face as a friend
I want to stand in Your fire wherever Your eyes fall
May You find me faithful to Your heart
Let me be found...
With a heart after You
May Your eyes find this heart loyal to You
May You xbe all that's on my mind all of the time
Let my heart be torn in two until your will is mine
Dearly Beloved of my soul
this is actually the lyrics to the song "Heart after You" by either Luke Wood or Justing Rizzo. (I just got new cds and books from kansas from my mom. There's nothing like getting books and cds.... wait, there is, but books and cds always make my day beautiful)
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
How bout we take it one day at a time?
Finding time to do what I'm supposed to be doing gets harder every day. But I'm getting the hang of it... kinda.
Right now, I should be taking a shower, but I'm sitting and writing instead. A while ago I was supposed to be studying, but I saw a movie insted. In the morning I was supposed to go to school, but my stomach hurt pretty bad and I decided to stay home instead. I am going to study, just later. I am going to shower, just later. I will go to school, just tomorrow... oh wait, not tomorrow because on wednesdays I have no school. But I have to study, because the tests I have this week are pretty intense. I found out yesterday while I was studying for one of them that I actually like the subject. If only I had payed attention before I would have found the process of going throught that class a lot more... interesting? I guess.
But really, I figure I just have to take the time to soak in the good side of everything. Although I have a hard time doing that for math. But my mom wisely said that whatever I do there will always be something I don't like about it... so I figure I have to pay more attention to the parts that I do enjoy and that ought to make it all better.
The problem is, I think, that I over think everything too much. I spent so much time thinking about things that I miss out on them when they're actually happening. So I'm trying to give my brain a break, let it rest, just do what I'm doing.
I have to be hard on myself and tell me every morning "one day at a time", otherwise I'll be driving to school and I'll be thinking of whatever I'll be doing in like 3 years. I'm a strange type of overachiever... I'm the type of overachiever that because I'm figuring out a way to overachieve I might collapse while actually doing what I'm trying to achieve and the best possible outcome (which I know I can reach) is messed up.
So I'm slowing down now. My goal today is to get through this day having enjoyed it, having done the best I could and knowing that He's in charge of me.
The interesting part of all this slowing down bit is that slowing down does not mean not doing anything. It means exactly the opposite. It means just do what you know that you have to do right now. Then you'll worry about doing what you have to do tomorrow. Baby steps... It's all about knowing how to baby step.
Right now, I should be taking a shower, but I'm sitting and writing instead. A while ago I was supposed to be studying, but I saw a movie insted. In the morning I was supposed to go to school, but my stomach hurt pretty bad and I decided to stay home instead. I am going to study, just later. I am going to shower, just later. I will go to school, just tomorrow... oh wait, not tomorrow because on wednesdays I have no school. But I have to study, because the tests I have this week are pretty intense. I found out yesterday while I was studying for one of them that I actually like the subject. If only I had payed attention before I would have found the process of going throught that class a lot more... interesting? I guess.
But really, I figure I just have to take the time to soak in the good side of everything. Although I have a hard time doing that for math. But my mom wisely said that whatever I do there will always be something I don't like about it... so I figure I have to pay more attention to the parts that I do enjoy and that ought to make it all better.
The problem is, I think, that I over think everything too much. I spent so much time thinking about things that I miss out on them when they're actually happening. So I'm trying to give my brain a break, let it rest, just do what I'm doing.
I have to be hard on myself and tell me every morning "one day at a time", otherwise I'll be driving to school and I'll be thinking of whatever I'll be doing in like 3 years. I'm a strange type of overachiever... I'm the type of overachiever that because I'm figuring out a way to overachieve I might collapse while actually doing what I'm trying to achieve and the best possible outcome (which I know I can reach) is messed up.
So I'm slowing down now. My goal today is to get through this day having enjoyed it, having done the best I could and knowing that He's in charge of me.
The interesting part of all this slowing down bit is that slowing down does not mean not doing anything. It means exactly the opposite. It means just do what you know that you have to do right now. Then you'll worry about doing what you have to do tomorrow. Baby steps... It's all about knowing how to baby step.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Teaser Trailer
I'm sooo excited!
Good things are starting to happen! Just this moment, while writing down that I was excited I remembered how God told me that this year I would see the beginning of what I am going to become and that I am going to touch and perceive what is coming for my life... and all of this and what is coming will be for the glory of my God.
I'm not really gonna go into all that too much, I just wanted to say that things are starting to clear up in many ways. I have six weeks until I leave and then I leave for six weeks. I'm going to be gone for 40 days. 40 days that I plan on staying in the desert, by myself, with my God, my Lover, my Beloved.
Really. Brace yourselves y'all, good things are starting to happen... but with every promised land comes a desert, and with every conquer comes a war. So yeah, all of that too.
Good things are starting to happen! Just this moment, while writing down that I was excited I remembered how God told me that this year I would see the beginning of what I am going to become and that I am going to touch and perceive what is coming for my life... and all of this and what is coming will be for the glory of my God.
I'm not really gonna go into all that too much, I just wanted to say that things are starting to clear up in many ways. I have six weeks until I leave and then I leave for six weeks. I'm going to be gone for 40 days. 40 days that I plan on staying in the desert, by myself, with my God, my Lover, my Beloved.
Really. Brace yourselves y'all, good things are starting to happen... but with every promised land comes a desert, and with every conquer comes a war. So yeah, all of that too.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Quick trip
This week has been a strange week, to say the least. A good but strange week.
Yesterday I went to Monterrey to get my student visa. Those of you who don't know, I am going to Boston for some time during the summer to take a couple courses at BU. The whole thing was crazy. From the moment I woke up, or "not-woke up" really, because I don't recall hearing the alarm, to the last part of the day where I ate tacos for the first time in like two months, it all felt so surreal, very dali-esque, except without the nasty feeling in your stomach... oh wait, I did get that, but that was from the fact that I ate too many different things and then got on a taxi that could've easily been mistaken for a blender.
I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's all begin where good things begin: right where it all started.
So I got up in the morning, my mom knocked at my door and told me we should already have been leaving for the airport. I still don't know what's happening so I jump out of my bed and hit the light switch. "I'll just put on some clothes and wash my teeth, and we can leave." I said as I was trying to find something decent to wear. My mom insisted, however, that I shower, so I complied and took a very quick 4 minute shower , put on some shorts and a shirt... I looked so not decent for a consulate interview to get my visa. My mom made notice of that, so I changed into a nicer shirt (no great improvement there really, but really, it was 6 in the morning).
So we're off to the airport, and my half-asleep brother grumbles something at us when we are getting out of the car. An hour and forty minutes until our plane leaves, we check in (too early for my gusto) and head up to get some breakfast. Ten minutes before boarding time, the security guard at the gate entrance tells us our flight has been canceled.
I'm not panicking yet, because again, it is too early in the morning. But I really do have to get to Monterrey NOW because I have a visa interview in less than three hours.
We're getting another ticket, another plane leaves half an hour after our flight was supposed to. We can still make it, we tell ourselves and board the plane. Next thing I know I'm drooling over my mom's shoulder and we've landed. Time to go? An hour: we can still make it.
We find a cab, and wait in line at the wrong taxi company line, realize that our taxi was waiting at the curb, we hurry and get in. "Take the highway, they say it's quicker"... and there we are, driving towards the consulate, the taxi driver just doesn't seem to want to be quiet, so we talk for a bit. He's from Linares, small cities have no work opportunities, they shouldn't be charging for highway use, we're here at the consulate.
Some paperwork checking and finding some random security guard to take care of our cell phones we're inside. They're checking my name on a list, cross it and now it's time to go through the metal detector. My mom forgot to leave her iPod headphones outside, so I have to hurry outside and give them to the security guard who's taking care of our cell phones. We're back inside. There's a line. Long line.
Now I'm inside a small booth and they're checking my papers. Some payment I had to make was not registered in the system... Oh my God, are you kidding me?
So, no payment register... means no visa. But they take my picture and my mom and I go to another line. We're getting the mean visa lady, I wanted the one next to her, but there's nothing I can do. Finally we're right in front of her, I give her my papers.
"The SEVIS payment is not registered in the system. We can't give you the visa"
"What is going on?" I think to myself (because who can I think to, really? Although I do know a couple people who can tell you what you are thinking) So really, God, is something not right? Do you not want me to go? Am I forcing something that you don't want to happen?
"You need to check with the university... blah blah blah" said the consul, and I'm not really panicking YET... so after some checking to see what we can do, we head out to find a cyber where we can try and see what on earth happened with the SEVIS fee I did pay, but was not register... I call BU, there's nothing they can do. I call the DHS and the stupid machine is no help. I print out another receipt, sort of... but it won't make the system register it...
"God, if you don't want me to go... if it is not in your plans, stop me. I don't want to do anything against your will."
At this point I'm panicking, and I'm being aggressive, spitting out short and unpleasant remarks to my moms insistence that I not chat while I was finding out what was going on.
We're heading back to the consulate. We're in... "The consuls are out to eat. Come back in like 40 minutes"... but then this other dude is on the phone with someone and takes the paper I have saying I just need to pay the SEVIS fee... I don't know what he says or what happens but he tells me to go in again. We do, and I'm talking to some other consul. This time a guy. He seemed nicer.
So I don't even hand in my other receipt. He asks me something about paying for the program and if I have something that can prove it. I show him a bank statement and he says nothing. For like 3 minutes he says nothing. He tears my little paper and does some things I can't remember. Then he puts my passport at his side and gives me a green piece of paper. "Take this to the postal delivery service at the end of the street."
Wait. Does this mean I get my visa?
"You'll have your visa in four or five days"
Wait. Does this mean I get my visa?
My mom asks if they keep my passport.
"The visa is glued to the passport"
Wait. Does this mean I get my visa?
"Will I get my passport back" I ask not really thinking
"If your visa is glued to your passport and you are getting your visa, I guess you should expect to, don't you think?"
I laugh sheepishly and grin at him like I'm some kind of airhead.
We head out of the consulate and I swear I want to jump and scream because...
Wait. Does this mean I get my visa?
Yes, it meant I had my visa. It meant that God had opened the final door, in some sense.
So we're walking to the delivery place and I've learned my lesson. "Don't leave things for the very end" my mom tells me.
"I know." I answer back and just walk alongside.
Dude, I got my student visa. For the first time in my life I will leave my city for more than a month, by myself, to study, at an American university, writing courses.
My dream. Or one of them really... (I went back and checked my 101 things I want to do before I die... this summer I'll be crossing out 4 items in the list) And I can't wait for the trip to begin. The coolest thing about it is that I'll be gone 40 days (41, but one is a travel day so it doesn' count)I'll get my 40 days in the desert, lured by my lover so he can show me his heart's secrets.
So then we go to this fancy restaurant that my mom loves and I eat deliciously... however, after eating such an international dish, with weird sauces that tasted bittersweet, we got on another cab to the airport.
Awful is an understatement of how that cab ride went. The cab driver drove fast, but not only did he drive fast, he insisted on being no more than two meters away from the cars in front of him. He braked regularly, with very little grace and insisted on changing lanes like a maniac. Forty minutes later and I'm at the airport and I swear I want to throw up. I don't. Instead we go to the American Express customer lounge and do that (lounge) for the next three hours. Our flight is leaving, we're home... run for the hills! We still have time to get to the prayer meeting.
I get there and head upstairs, to have some "privacy"... The music was amazing, the singing was heavenly and my God's presence was astounding. I prayed, sang, clapped, semi-danced, kneeled and overall mused on his heart.
Then I threw up.
So much for crazy taxi rides and visas. The day ended with soccer, friends and tacos.
Yesterday I went to Monterrey to get my student visa. Those of you who don't know, I am going to Boston for some time during the summer to take a couple courses at BU. The whole thing was crazy. From the moment I woke up, or "not-woke up" really, because I don't recall hearing the alarm, to the last part of the day where I ate tacos for the first time in like two months, it all felt so surreal, very dali-esque, except without the nasty feeling in your stomach... oh wait, I did get that, but that was from the fact that I ate too many different things and then got on a taxi that could've easily been mistaken for a blender.
I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's all begin where good things begin: right where it all started.
So I got up in the morning, my mom knocked at my door and told me we should already have been leaving for the airport. I still don't know what's happening so I jump out of my bed and hit the light switch. "I'll just put on some clothes and wash my teeth, and we can leave." I said as I was trying to find something decent to wear. My mom insisted, however, that I shower, so I complied and took a very quick 4 minute shower , put on some shorts and a shirt... I looked so not decent for a consulate interview to get my visa. My mom made notice of that, so I changed into a nicer shirt (no great improvement there really, but really, it was 6 in the morning).
So we're off to the airport, and my half-asleep brother grumbles something at us when we are getting out of the car. An hour and forty minutes until our plane leaves, we check in (too early for my gusto) and head up to get some breakfast. Ten minutes before boarding time, the security guard at the gate entrance tells us our flight has been canceled.
I'm not panicking yet, because again, it is too early in the morning. But I really do have to get to Monterrey NOW because I have a visa interview in less than three hours.
We're getting another ticket, another plane leaves half an hour after our flight was supposed to. We can still make it, we tell ourselves and board the plane. Next thing I know I'm drooling over my mom's shoulder and we've landed. Time to go? An hour: we can still make it.
We find a cab, and wait in line at the wrong taxi company line, realize that our taxi was waiting at the curb, we hurry and get in. "Take the highway, they say it's quicker"... and there we are, driving towards the consulate, the taxi driver just doesn't seem to want to be quiet, so we talk for a bit. He's from Linares, small cities have no work opportunities, they shouldn't be charging for highway use, we're here at the consulate.
Some paperwork checking and finding some random security guard to take care of our cell phones we're inside. They're checking my name on a list, cross it and now it's time to go through the metal detector. My mom forgot to leave her iPod headphones outside, so I have to hurry outside and give them to the security guard who's taking care of our cell phones. We're back inside. There's a line. Long line.
Now I'm inside a small booth and they're checking my papers. Some payment I had to make was not registered in the system... Oh my God, are you kidding me?
So, no payment register... means no visa. But they take my picture and my mom and I go to another line. We're getting the mean visa lady, I wanted the one next to her, but there's nothing I can do. Finally we're right in front of her, I give her my papers.
"The SEVIS payment is not registered in the system. We can't give you the visa"
"What is going on?" I think to myself (because who can I think to, really? Although I do know a couple people who can tell you what you are thinking) So really, God, is something not right? Do you not want me to go? Am I forcing something that you don't want to happen?
"You need to check with the university... blah blah blah" said the consul, and I'm not really panicking YET... so after some checking to see what we can do, we head out to find a cyber where we can try and see what on earth happened with the SEVIS fee I did pay, but was not register... I call BU, there's nothing they can do. I call the DHS and the stupid machine is no help. I print out another receipt, sort of... but it won't make the system register it...
"God, if you don't want me to go... if it is not in your plans, stop me. I don't want to do anything against your will."
At this point I'm panicking, and I'm being aggressive, spitting out short and unpleasant remarks to my moms insistence that I not chat while I was finding out what was going on.
We're heading back to the consulate. We're in... "The consuls are out to eat. Come back in like 40 minutes"... but then this other dude is on the phone with someone and takes the paper I have saying I just need to pay the SEVIS fee... I don't know what he says or what happens but he tells me to go in again. We do, and I'm talking to some other consul. This time a guy. He seemed nicer.
So I don't even hand in my other receipt. He asks me something about paying for the program and if I have something that can prove it. I show him a bank statement and he says nothing. For like 3 minutes he says nothing. He tears my little paper and does some things I can't remember. Then he puts my passport at his side and gives me a green piece of paper. "Take this to the postal delivery service at the end of the street."
Wait. Does this mean I get my visa?
"You'll have your visa in four or five days"
Wait. Does this mean I get my visa?
My mom asks if they keep my passport.
"The visa is glued to the passport"
Wait. Does this mean I get my visa?
"Will I get my passport back" I ask not really thinking
"If your visa is glued to your passport and you are getting your visa, I guess you should expect to, don't you think?"
I laugh sheepishly and grin at him like I'm some kind of airhead.
We head out of the consulate and I swear I want to jump and scream because...
Wait. Does this mean I get my visa?
Yes, it meant I had my visa. It meant that God had opened the final door, in some sense.
So we're walking to the delivery place and I've learned my lesson. "Don't leave things for the very end" my mom tells me.
"I know." I answer back and just walk alongside.
Dude, I got my student visa. For the first time in my life I will leave my city for more than a month, by myself, to study, at an American university, writing courses.
My dream. Or one of them really... (I went back and checked my 101 things I want to do before I die... this summer I'll be crossing out 4 items in the list) And I can't wait for the trip to begin. The coolest thing about it is that I'll be gone 40 days (41, but one is a travel day so it doesn' count)I'll get my 40 days in the desert, lured by my lover so he can show me his heart's secrets.
So then we go to this fancy restaurant that my mom loves and I eat deliciously... however, after eating such an international dish, with weird sauces that tasted bittersweet, we got on another cab to the airport.
Awful is an understatement of how that cab ride went. The cab driver drove fast, but not only did he drive fast, he insisted on being no more than two meters away from the cars in front of him. He braked regularly, with very little grace and insisted on changing lanes like a maniac. Forty minutes later and I'm at the airport and I swear I want to throw up. I don't. Instead we go to the American Express customer lounge and do that (lounge) for the next three hours. Our flight is leaving, we're home... run for the hills! We still have time to get to the prayer meeting.
I get there and head upstairs, to have some "privacy"... The music was amazing, the singing was heavenly and my God's presence was astounding. I prayed, sang, clapped, semi-danced, kneeled and overall mused on his heart.
Then I threw up.
So much for crazy taxi rides and visas. The day ended with soccer, friends and tacos.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
to the moon
I'll hold you dear, near. and close to my heart because. I do.
love. you. make my heart skip a beat. every time I look.
at. you. gently stir my deepest emotions.
I'll cry till rest, best. be going because I won't.
forget. you. 'll shine through my window. every sunrise. I look.
at. you. lovingly bring out the best in me.
For. ever. wonder. why things are. the way they are?
I won't. no more. doubting.
To the moon.
---- so apparently people didn't get this... the "." means that you can start the sentence over from that point and it will still make sense (at least most of it will)
example "I love. you. are crazy" would include "i love you" "you are crazy".. capishe?
love. you. make my heart skip a beat. every time I look.
at. you. gently stir my deepest emotions.
I'll cry till rest, best. be going because I won't.
forget. you. 'll shine through my window. every sunrise. I look.
at. you. lovingly bring out the best in me.
For. ever. wonder. why things are. the way they are?
I won't. no more. doubting.
To the moon.
---- so apparently people didn't get this... the "." means that you can start the sentence over from that point and it will still make sense (at least most of it will)
example "I love. you. are crazy" would include "i love you" "you are crazy".. capishe?
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Stranger than fiction
So this movie, let me just begin by saying that it is not like anything I've ever seen.
I found myself walking out of the theater feeling good about myself and about everything that's been going on around me.
It's a simple movie, "quiet" as someone in some random forum described it to be. It is quite, but touching on so many levels.
First of all, this is the most bizarre and unusual movie I've ever seen. It truly is stranger than fiction.
There's this moment in the movie, that I'm sure was very different for all of us experiencing the film, where you just get pulled in.
I could hardly breathe when the story was unfolding.
It's a clean movie... not clean as in "rated G"... more like when you go into a restaurant and there's no smoking allowed, so the air is nice and clean and when you leave you don't reek of cigarettes smoke. Yes, clean like that. Fresh.
It was so fresh it was almost overwhelming. It's about living and enjoying and I'm not really sure what, but boy was it nice to see something like that after so many cliched movies.
I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to enjoy the process of life happening.
I found myself walking out of the theater feeling good about myself and about everything that's been going on around me.
It's a simple movie, "quiet" as someone in some random forum described it to be. It is quite, but touching on so many levels.
First of all, this is the most bizarre and unusual movie I've ever seen. It truly is stranger than fiction.
There's this moment in the movie, that I'm sure was very different for all of us experiencing the film, where you just get pulled in.
I could hardly breathe when the story was unfolding.
It's a clean movie... not clean as in "rated G"... more like when you go into a restaurant and there's no smoking allowed, so the air is nice and clean and when you leave you don't reek of cigarettes smoke. Yes, clean like that. Fresh.
It was so fresh it was almost overwhelming. It's about living and enjoying and I'm not really sure what, but boy was it nice to see something like that after so many cliched movies.
I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to enjoy the process of life happening.
Mourning Saul and Jonathan's death
I've never been in love. Real "in" love. So basically that means that I should have never suffered from a broken heart.
Up until now, other than the obvious life afflictions, you know, like issues with your parents, childhood friends undone, failing a test that really mattered, whatever crap that might have happened... I never fully understood how it felt to be broken hearted.
I've only imagined two people, one of them real and the other fictional, to have gone through this particular pain. One of them, the last James Bond in the 007 movies, the other, someone I know.
Both of them were in love and through harsh realizations had to, quite literally, let go of that relationship. Just one person from the four involved in these two stories died. And yes, it is the one in the 007 movie. But now that I understand this... this heartbreak think... all four of them could have died and it still wouldn't have mattered.
Because it doesn't matter if you die on the outside (and this right here is the part where my "exaggerate everything" tendency kicks in) you feel like you've been beaten and trampled so bad on the inside that I guess it wouldn't matter to feel anything else. Like nothing, because you are dead.
But then again I believe that when I die I'll go to heaven, so that's bound to be much better than feeling broken hearted.
So anyways, this post is my attempt at expressing what I'm not really sure I should express. But today, I felt a bullet go through my heart and come back out again.
It was not love, the type of love you could or should imagine... the kind you are "in" (love)... but it was love. It is love... and it is broken. My heart is broken.
And I'm gonna feel that a bit often from now on, and boy does that suck.
But there is a time for mourning and a time for whatever goes after that. The tricky part is forgetting. Forgetting while you're sitting in church listening to the pastor preach... while you're about to step up and play... while you're finally driving home... while you see them and go about as if nothing happened and nothing will happen... while you make your best attempt at being strong... while you're in line waiting for your movie to start...
I'll embrace the mourning, at least for a little bit. But one thing is for certain, I'm not doing what James Bond did. I'm doing what the other someone did. This will make me stronger, not more guarded. This will make me more vulnerable and not close hearted. This will make me grow and not stay in the same place half of my lifetime. This will make me get closer to God instead of further away from everyone else.
I'm really sorry I can't be more specific with all of this. It's just... not wise to do so.
Up until now, other than the obvious life afflictions, you know, like issues with your parents, childhood friends undone, failing a test that really mattered, whatever crap that might have happened... I never fully understood how it felt to be broken hearted.
I've only imagined two people, one of them real and the other fictional, to have gone through this particular pain. One of them, the last James Bond in the 007 movies, the other, someone I know.
Both of them were in love and through harsh realizations had to, quite literally, let go of that relationship. Just one person from the four involved in these two stories died. And yes, it is the one in the 007 movie. But now that I understand this... this heartbreak think... all four of them could have died and it still wouldn't have mattered.
Because it doesn't matter if you die on the outside (and this right here is the part where my "exaggerate everything" tendency kicks in) you feel like you've been beaten and trampled so bad on the inside that I guess it wouldn't matter to feel anything else. Like nothing, because you are dead.
But then again I believe that when I die I'll go to heaven, so that's bound to be much better than feeling broken hearted.
So anyways, this post is my attempt at expressing what I'm not really sure I should express. But today, I felt a bullet go through my heart and come back out again.
It was not love, the type of love you could or should imagine... the kind you are "in" (love)... but it was love. It is love... and it is broken. My heart is broken.
And I'm gonna feel that a bit often from now on, and boy does that suck.
But there is a time for mourning and a time for whatever goes after that. The tricky part is forgetting. Forgetting while you're sitting in church listening to the pastor preach... while you're about to step up and play... while you're finally driving home... while you see them and go about as if nothing happened and nothing will happen... while you make your best attempt at being strong... while you're in line waiting for your movie to start...
I'll embrace the mourning, at least for a little bit. But one thing is for certain, I'm not doing what James Bond did. I'm doing what the other someone did. This will make me stronger, not more guarded. This will make me more vulnerable and not close hearted. This will make me grow and not stay in the same place half of my lifetime. This will make me get closer to God instead of further away from everyone else.
I'm really sorry I can't be more specific with all of this. It's just... not wise to do so.
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